A Life Without A Perfect Name

I probably should have said "nickname" which is what I intend on writing about. Nicknames have always amazed me. Over the years there have been hundreds of names given to people which, to what I assume, is done to make it either easier to say their name or because you say their name so much that a nickname makes it less tiring.

Everyone knows some famous nicknames; Ex: Air Jordan, J-Lo, The Rock, etc.

This blog is not about famous nicknames. I understand the reason for those. This is about nicknames given to the common person. These are names that astonish me.

I have a very common name therefore I only remember a few nicknames that I have ever been given. The first was when I was in grade school (Greenville Mo) where I was called "small fry" by a certain high school student whose name I do not remember. I won't bore you with the reason for that "short name".

The second was when I was in the 6th and 7th grade (Fredericktown). I had a part Rat Terrier, part Chihuahua named Pee Wee. My best friend at the time, Carl Turnbull (who I really wish I could reconnect with) made my next nickname coincide with my ownership of my dog. Therefore for two years I was called Herman.

The last nickname that I recall was not really a nickname but just something to change the commonness of my name. While building chicken houses one summer a co-worker (Allan something) started calling me "John John". I understood the reason for that as John was very common and because we had a couple other Johns on the jobsite (aka Johnny on the Spots). Now, years later, my son John has been given the same nickname. That is "John John", not "Johnny on the Spot".

Here is where I get confused and sometimes even aggravated. The first of two reasons is that I don't understand how people create their own nicknames. That is idiotic. You can't create your own nickname. That is just goofy.

The real thing that drives me crazy is when someone knows another person's nickname and they use it EVERYTIME they speak of the person. They do this even when they are speaking with someone who has no clue who the other person is.

Here is an example (the nickname may or may not have been changed to protect his person's identity); When investigating a criminal activity, a witness begins to describe the location to where they think the suspect is. It goes something like this:

Witness: "I don't know exactly where he lives, but he lives down across from where "J-Bob" use to live."

Me: "Who is J-Bob"?

Witness: "You don't know J-Bob? Everyone knows J-Bob. He has lived here forever."

Me: "What is his real name?"

Witness: (This is usually answered in two ways) #1: "I don't know what his name is. It is just J-Bob" or #2: "Oh, his name is Scott Smith".

Really? Scott Smith? How does Scott Smith turn into J-Bob?

This gets on my nerves. I have a family member (or it could be a friend), who always talks to me about people they know and they use every nickname they can think of instead of using the person's real name.

"Yeah I was at B's house and Fly-Boy came down from D-Town to pick up some tools he bought from X-Ray."

What does that even remotely mean?

Why can there not be some law (or at least a rule) that covers the over-usage (or useless usage) of these shortened names?

If you are playing professional ball, placing chips at your weekly poker game with your pals, or about to step into a cage to fight a worthy opponent that is one thing. However when you are talking to the public, to the police, or to a family member who has no clue who "J-Dog", "X-Ray" or "Fly-Boy" is, why don't you keep that babble to yourself?